After Hours

Sometimes I look back at my life and think: wow, I really did everything right.

I started working at 15, full-time, with school at night. Then university, then more school, then an MBA. Then marriage, a child, immigration. Work, family, responsibilities, one thing after another. Somewhere along the way I became very good at doing what was expected of me.

I don't think I'm the only woman who grew up that way. We learn to be good girls. We listen to our parents, we study, we work hard, we build a career, we take care of everyone and make good choices. And I did. I really did.

But lately I look at my life and wonder: is this it? It's not that I'm unhappy, and it's not that I don't love the life I've built. I just have this feeling that there's still so much more life to live.

I'm creative, I'm curious, and I'm restless in the best possible way. I want to dance, write, make things with my hands, travel, and start things just because they sound interesting.

So I started doing some of it. I became a dance teacher, trained in group fitness, started writing and started making candles. And the older I get, the more I let myself ask: who said I have to be just one thing?

Maybe growing up isn't becoming more serious. Maybe it's becoming more free.

Perimenopause has added some unexpected reflection to all of this. It's made me look at my body, my work, my relationships, my desires and my time, and ask what I actually want from the years ahead. I'm not starting over, I'm expanding. I'm giving myself permission to be more than the roles I've collected along the way: mother, wife, professional, teacher, maker, writer, woman, and whatever I decide next.

Maybe life doesn't have to end when the workday does. Maybe that's where the fun starts.

This one is for the part of life that belongs to you. Make something, go somewhere, dance a little, stay up late. And for once, do it just because you want to.